


All in All You

by TheBlobMaster



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Angst, Fluff, Kyungsoo being done with everything, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 13:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11275959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlobMaster/pseuds/TheBlobMaster
Summary: Park ChanYeol is a supermodel with poor luck in love, having dated half of the photographers in the business and always getting dumped. Kim JongIn, a newbie fashion photographer, turns his world upside down.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> old old fic

All in All You | [](http://theblobmaster.livejournal.com/profile)[**theblobmaster**](http://theblobmaster.livejournal.com/) | PG-13 | Kai/ChanYeol minor! ChanYeol/EXO | Language and stupid exes | 13.150

written for [](http://eexiee.livejournal.com/profile)[**eexiee**](http://eexiee.livejournal.com/) at [](http://sncj-santa.livejournal.com/profile)[**sncj_santa**](http://sncj-santa.livejournal.com/)

 

 

The first part of the shoot went surprisingly smoothly, ChanYeol thinks idly. BaekHyun hadn’t once made him do ridiculously hard poses or demanded that he had to put more _feeling; you know the thing you don’t possess,_ in his expressions. The small feisty photographer had been rather docile, letting ChanYeol work the Levi’s jeans like the supermodel he is without any jabs to bring down his ego. Despite his wonder of why it is BaekHyun has such a grudge against him, it was after all the other that broke up with ChanYeol. He always found it amusing with all the sharp words. Especially the defeated look of annoyance on BaekHyun’s mousy face every time ChanYeol pulled off the ridiculous poses BaekHyun insists on him doing, which would say every time because ChanYeol is amazing and there’s nothing he can’t do. 

The reason why shows up soon enough in the form of a tall guy with tousled dark brown hair, sleepy eyes, lips made for kissing and sun kissed skin. ChanYeol didn’t know he had a new co-model today, he would’ve prepared for it. As much as he could, because you know, he’s amazing. He’s ready with a wide smile to greet his new prop when the other takes place behind BaekHyun’s _precious, don’t you fucking dare even think about touching it,_ camera. ChanYeol’s mouth falls open in a gasp of disbelief. No one is allowed to touch that camera so why is the new model guy touching it? He’s about to open his mouth in protest when BaekHyun glares at him and claps to get all the models’ attention. 

“This here is JongIn. He’ll be helping me with taking some of the shots. ChanYeol you’re up first. I want passion for once and not those dead eyes you always try to give me.” It’s a grumble and nothing near as vile as usual. ChanYeol doesn’t let it throw him off, instead he drapes himself over the concrete block provided, hooding his eyes as he stares directly into the lens and then the flashes start and he runs per automatic. Poses provocatively and seductive, he almost forgets who it is behind the camera until an unfamiliar voice asks him to place himself front faced against the wall and look over his shoulder. It makes ChanYeol pause a bit, because that’s usually a pose for females and ChanYeol is nothing like a female as his very much exposed and flat chest should indicate, but then there’s that voice again and ChanYeol can’t figure out if he likes it or not as it repeats the request. The words formed slowly as if it’ll help him understand it better and out of the corner of his eye ChanYeol can see BaekHyun laugh at him. He is nothing if not a professional and follows the direction, sultrily staring down the camera. It’s not unexpected when the new photographer grasps the camera and goes up close. What is unexpected is when he lays on the ground and clicks away. ChanYeol is starting to feel slightly like a porn model. 

Silently the flashes of white stops and then one of BaekHyun’s countless assistants are ushering him off the set. ChanYeol’s not sure what to do when he’s almost pushed into tanned arms and a lean chest. He certainly doesn’t count on being blinded by a flash of teeth before being straightened and left alone in the changing room. 

 

 

 

Amazingly enough, ChanYeol thinks when he opens the newest Vogue Korea, the pictures turned out great. Even with the weird angle it only serves to make ChanYeol’s already long legs look longer and the jeans that hangs low on his hips hugs his ass just right. ChanYeol hadn’t even noticed the details of the back pockets and those had been captured perfectly. 

“You know when I first saw the ad I thought it was a girl, but then again you do scream like one when given it hard.” JongDae is poised like a smug cat beside him. “Shut it tiny human, like you could fuck me. You can’t even reach.” Lips curling even more, ChanYeol’s not sure how it’s possible to look so much like a cat, “Oh you want to try that theory? You always were a good fuck.” Blowing a raspberry at the tiny photographer, ChanYeol shuts the magazine and gets into the dressing room and lets them pull and push at him until he’s ready. Today it’s JongDae’s snarky remarks and flirty suggestions he’ll have to go through. How did he end up having dated half of the photographers in the business? 

 

 

 

To say that ChanYeol is surprised when he shows up for his Vans shoot and it’s JongIn alone behind the camera is an understatement. Usually SeHun, unfortunately another one of his exes, is the one that takes the few shots for a rare Korean campaign. A young guy that despite his permanent bored face during shoots takes some of the best action photographs ChanYeol has ever been in. He’s also one of the needier and clingier boyfriends he’s ever had, and he never really got over ChanYeol calling him an obsessive clingy twink. So the surprise is rather welcome actually. He hasn’t fucked JongIn and JongIn can’t possibly have any grudge against him… yet. 

“SeHun-sshi is doing another shoot today so I’ll be taking care of you.” The previously slightly mocking voice is traded with a polite tone and ChanYeol’s eye twitches. “Please take care of me.” He barely keeps himself from using a biting tone to answer. There’s a lilt to his plush lips that irks ChanYeol uncontrollably. “Or maybe I should just take care of myself. I’ve heard you’re quite the photographer seducer.” There’s a bark of laughter and then a stylist comes pulling him away before he can retort. 

More like photographers like to seduce him, ChanYeol thinks bitterly.

 

 

 

Working with JongIn is a lot easier than it normally is with a newbie. He’s not hesitant when telling ChanYeol what he wants from him and it’s nice for once without a biting remark at the end or cautious eyes. ChanYeol is one of the biggest in the industry and a lot of the newbies fears his status. JongIn doesn’t, ChanYeol really likes that.

“Just like that, good. Now jump for me.” JongIn calls out and ChanYeol follows poising his limbs gracefully even in the air. JongIn is once again beneath him and ChanYeol stares at the camera with a wide smile. He has a hard time looking away as a tongue sweeps across a fat lower lip underneath the lens. “That’s perfect, now kick out for me. Backwards please.” It’s almost like playing around with some friends and ChanYeol smiles and laughs genuinely on the pictures instead of his usual practiced grin that makes girls and boys alike swoon. “That’s a wrap, thanks for your hard work.” With a mimic of JongIn, ChanYeol bows back. 

“Hey, can’t you take over for SeHun permanently?” JongIn is hunched in front of a small screen looking through the different pictures with a small frown on his face. “Unfortunately not. Despite SeHun-sshi being seemingly utterly grateful for not having to look at your quote douchebaggy asshole quote end face.” ChanYeol makes a frown for himself at the words, “Did he really say that? He used to love my face.” Amused JongIn chuckles with eyes focused still on the screen. “I can see why. It’s pretty.” ChanYeol doesn’t flush, he’s a supermodel. He’s completely used to compliments like this. Except JongIn actually seems to mean it and ChanYeol can feel the heat in his cheeks so he abruptly turns around and stalks away from the outdoor set. 

 

Only to return seconds later because, really he has no idea where and how to get away from this godforsaken skate park. His manager is still nowhere in sight and ChanYeol could really use KyungSoo right now. “You waiting for someone?” Too close, too sudden, ChanYeol jumps a meter in the air. “Yeah, no. Don’t do that ever again, thank you.” JongIn is looking so self-satisfied with the reaction and ChanYeol almost thinks about how cute that look is. Almost. “Have you seen my manager? Reaches around my waist, bulging eyes and big lips?” Just as he finishes he can feel a hit landing on his lower back. “Shut it doofus and get in the car. We have a sudden schedule. See you around JongIn-ah.” JongIn waves with an easy smile and ChanYeol is confused. 

 

 

 

“What is it? Stop staring unless you want me to drive us off road and into a ditch.” Finally blinking with his eyes stinging from the dryness, ChanYeol turns his head away from his manager. “How do you know him?” 

“Who?” The grin KyungSoo is most likely sporting is not hidden by his voice and ChanYeol scoffs. “You know who.” KyungSoo merely shrugs before looking in the rearview mirror, “I know him through Luhan.” Fuck, everybody but Luhan. Worst ex ever. “Why of all people does it have to be Luhan?” ChanYeol groans into his hands, KyungSoo pats his head not all that sympathetically. “I warned you didn’t I?” There’s not even a way of retorting, KyungSoo _did_ warn him.

 

 

 

Luhan looks like an angel. Honey blonde hair creating a halo around his innocently designed face, wide childish eyes, pointy nose and soft colored lips. His personality was just as sweet as he looked, only a little bit on the crude side. For the year they dated ChanYeol believed he had found his true love, then Luhan decided that his new lightning assistant was much more interesting and ChanYeol was left with an aching heart. Out of all the break ups that somehow always ends up with him being on the _I’m breaking up with you_ end, the one with Luhan hurt the most. So of course life, as always when it comes to his love life, decided to be a bitch and let the new beautiful photographer be friends with Luhan. 

ChanYeol really feels like screaming. Luckily KyungSoo is used to it and hits him on the throat three seconds in. Silence is once again restored in the car. 

 

 

 

The sudden schedule is started by ChanYeol walking in on Luhan trying to stick his hand down MinSeok’s pants and screaming at the sight. At least it gains him the attention of the photographer. “Hey old fucktoy, how’s it hanging?” Luhan asks with a wriggle of his eyebrows. Luhan may look like an angel but he is the spawn of Satan and ChanYeol wishes for someday to strangle his long pretty neck. “Hi MinSeok hyung.” He says and walks straight past Luhan without a second glance. Behind him he can hear MinSeok reprimanding Luhan with a few slaps followed by Luhan’s whiny sickly sweet _Minnie-boo._

“So what are we doing?” ChanYeol asks impatiently, turning around just in time to see MinSeok sliding out of Luhan’s arms and the blonde looking sadly after him. “Don’t worry loverboy, it’s going to be a quickie.” Eye-rolling at the innuendo ChanYeol stares Luhan down unimpressed. “Fine if you’re going to be so boring. TaeMin bailed at last minute and you’re the only other male model with a face pretty enough to pass this concept off.” It’s a lie and Luhan knows that it’s obvious. “No really what am I doing here?” 

“After your last spread with Levi’s, you’re back in high demand because of the sudden vulnerability you displayed or whatever. Anyway TaeMin bailed, you’re popular, fits the concept well enough. Now go in and get ready so we can get on with it.” Luhan waves him off annoyed and then ChanYeol is swept away by a stylist as he so often is. 

 

 

 

So ChanYeol’s not by any means a troublesome person. He goes along with all the concepts thrown at him with a smile (sometimes accompanied by KyungSoo’s fingers pinching him in the side) but, “What the fuck man? Why am I in a fucking wedding dress?” Extensions are added to his maroon hair and his makeup is done femininely and goddamn he does not want to know how Yura is going to look on her wedding day, but apparently now he does. “Don’t worry hun, you look amazing.” ChanYeol really wishes looks could kill because Luhan is not making this any better at all. “Thank you and may I ask who my supposed husband might be? And why the fuck am I in a fucking wedding dress Luhan?”  Something akin to sheepishness crawls across Luhan’s features before they’re settled back into haughty. “The androgynous look is in and this eccentric bridal shop wanted to use that and your husband. Well you’ll see. She’ll be here shortly.” Something in the tone makes ChanYeol’s stomach clench uncomfortably. 

Suddenly the studio falls silent and slow deliberate footsteps are heard. ChanYeol clenches his eyes shut, there’s only one he knows that gets that reaction every time he walks into a studio and he really wants to strangle Luhan now if it’s who he think it is. “Luhan I will kill you if you don’t let me beat up his kid.” Wide eyed ChanYeol turns around and almost chokes on the air. Wu ‘Kris’ Yifan, ChanYeol’s only ex to ever have been taller than him is dressed in a pale pink long-sleeved sheath dress. A long wavy wig secured on his head and his makeup soft. If not for the muscle build, ChanYeol thinks, he could’ve easily passed off as a girl too. “Kris release Zitao. He’s done nothing wrong just doing his job. Which I must say is done quite well. You look like a bridesmaid the bride should be worried about stealing her man.” Luhan shoots ChanYeol a meaningful look, “or maybe it’s the other way around?”  ChanYeol flips him the finger and waits (im)patiently, tapping his foot annoyed and he forgets that he’s wearing heels that clinks obnoxiously against the floor. Soon enough SooYoung comes out dressed as the bridegroom, smiling widely at him. “I have such a pretty bride.” SooYoung is tolerable at least and she’ll joke so much with the height differences and the stairs and boxes she has to stand on, maybe he’ll forget that he’s in a room with two of his exes. 

After a lot of teeth clenching, sharp remarks and forced happiness towards his supposed bridesmaid and photographer, ChanYeol storms out of the studio. Barely letting himself have enough time to change out of the god awful last dress. KyungSoo does look sincerely apologetic and he’s ready with ChanYeol's favorite hot Choco-latte when the model slips into the car. 

“I really had no idea. I knew Luhan was going to be there but not Kris too.” Right now ChanYeol kind of fucking hates how he can’t get mad at his manager. “It’s fine.” KyungSoo lets him sulk for the rest of the ride to his apartment complex. Luckily tomorrow is a day off, and then he can stay in bed and moan about his sad life to his ceiling. 

 

 

 

“KyungSoo I love you and all but why are you at my apartment at eight am on my day off?” It should be obvious that he didn’t sleep much and judging by KyungSoo’s eyes bulging more than usual, it is. “Yeol you look awful. Why didn’t you sleep?” 

“Yeah, well guess who just woke me up after I had just fallen asleep?” KyungSoo mutters a small _sorry_ before going in to the kitchen to fix some light breakfast and a cup of coffee for ChanYeol. Something he’s not going to like is up. KyungSoo only ever mothers him when he’s feeling sorry about something. “My day off is cancelled isn’t it?” He groans, smacking his head down on the white surface of his kitchen table. “Yeah, sorry. It’s a light schedule though. Not more than a very private and small meeting with JongIn. He called me yesterday.” With lazy eyes ChanYeol watches KyungSoo flit around his large kitchen, expertly finding and creating wonderful things he’s sure. “Yeah? What did he want?” Sending ChanYeol a smile over his shoulder KyungSoo starts chopping some vegetables ChanYeol can’t find the energy to identify. “He likes you, you know?”

Such a compliment, everybody likes ChanYeol. Well, everyone but his exes. “Wow, I’m honored the newbie photographer likes me. I can’t stop my joy from overflowing.” Clucking his tongue disapprovingly at ChanYeol's sarcasm, KyungSoo continues. “JongIn isn’t a newbie. He’s been one of the best travel and wildlife photographers for quite some time now. For some reason he wanted to venture into fashion suddenly.” Oh, ChanYeol didn’t know that. Huh, interesting. “Anyway he called me yesterday, asking me if I could clear your schedule for a month.” He places a plate of stir fried vegetables and a sunnyside up egg in front of ChanYeol before seating himself across the tall model. “What for?” ChanYeol asks around a mouthful of delicious food. “Don’t talk with your mouth full it’s disgusting. He’s gotten an exclusive deal with High Cut that wants to release a special edition magazine with the top models at the moment. Luckily enough you’re still one of them. A ton of photographers had been invited to the briefing and originally JongIn was just tagging along to see how these kinds of briefings goes but then he saw you on the board as one of the models. Of course I’ve already talked to them about it months ago so really it’s cool.” ChanYeol’s already finished with his breakfast and is now cradling his cup of coffee. “Back on track. JongIn saw you and seeing as it would be one photographer assigned per model and almost only your exes were present and they want nothing to do with you. So he offered to take you and he got it. He didn’t go into much detail about what it is he wants to do with you for a month alone, but he’s coming over in-” KyungSoo glances at his watch. “- twenty-five minutes to enlighten us. So get dressed and brush your teeth. I’ll take care of the kitchen.”

 

 

 

JongIn shows up, sleep still in his eyes and hair tousled. He’s in a simple black shirt and jeans. ChanYeol is still not really over the fact that this man is not a model when he clearly has the looks for it. KyungSoo has made small snack sandwiches for them and it’s the first thing JongIn reaches for when he places himself at the end of the table, chewing it down quickly. With a grateful smile he accepts the cup of coffee KyungSoo has brewed him and chucks it down in the same lazily hurried way as the sandwich. “Thank you hyung.” Finally his eyes open and he starts looking around ChanYeol’s large studio apartment. The bathroom is the only enclosed area with tinted glass walls, the rest of the wide space is split into small corners by book shelves and artsy decoration objects. “You live cozily. I hadn’t thought it would be like this, but I guess earth colors suits you well.” It’s brings a wry smile on his face because it’s his ex, Yixing, that had decorated it. The mild mannered interior designer is one of the few exes that ChanYeol can still talk to and he actually enjoys his company a whole lot. They meet up once in a while and just sits on the long leather couch and talks with a cup of tea in their hands. It’s a nice friendship. A rare one. 

Apparently JongIn isn’t one for chit chat and goes straight to business. “So the reason why I am asking for a month alone with ChanYeol is simple. Most of the other photographers is going to be following their model around for a month and then ask them a few questions. It’s a fine idea but boring, nothing new really.” He’s pulling out a worn out deep blue notebook, pages half ripped out and stuffed in again, loose papers stuck almost carelessly in between pages full of hurried scribbles. “I was thinking how about we recreate all the biggest and most important shoots you’ve had in your career? Of course with a twist or two since otherwise there would be no need for me. I spent all night researching your career. So I’m thinking we’re starting with your very first ever photo-shoot.” JongIn’s rambling slightly and fumbling around with all his papers and notes, ChanYeol really doesn’t care how they do it. He’s fine with whatever. JongIn should really stop looking at him and start talking to KyungSoo because in the end it’s only him that can give the okay. It’s cute how excited JongIn seems to be over this. He’s talking with his hands and explaining everything in detail pointing at sketches that looks professional and ChanYeol can easily see which of his photographs they are drawn after. 

“I’m impressed JongIn.” KyungSoo says after a little break of silence. “You’ve really done your work, not that I expected anything else, but it’s really well done. I’ll see what I can do okay? I might not be able to get a whole month free for you but I can get most of a month free.” JongIn beams and ChanYeol feels his heart stop for a moment. “ChanYeol-sshi? Or can I call you hyung?” Absentmindedly ChanYeol nods. He can’t tear his eyes away from the soft curve of JongIn’s eyes when he smiles. “Hyung, can I take a few photos of you here? Now? Like this?” ChanYeol looks down at himself, his faded Spider Man pajama bottoms and a loose black t-shirt. He hadn’t gotten dressed like KyungSoo had asked him to. “Sure why not?”

 

 

 

KyungSoo manages to get them first half of December for themselves, only a fitting or two for some year-end fashion shows in between and ChanYeol troops up on the first of December in front of the Han River at seven am sharp. JongIn is nowhere in sight and ChanYeol sighs watching his breath turning to fog. There’s a light snow falling already and ChanYeol hopes that the couples on the twenty-fourth will be walking along the streets in a light shower of snowflakes too. Fifteen minutes later JongIn shows up, hair disheveled and pressed down by a sloppily put on beanie. His big puffy winter coat is almost consuming him despite his tall height. His cheeks and nose is colored red from the cold wind and weather but his smile when he spots ChanYeol is bright enough to shine through the still dark sky. “Hyung! You’re here. Sorry, I was stuck in the subway.” He starts running, equipment on his back and ChanYeol can’t help but roll his eyes. JongIn clearly will never be a fashion photographer. “I’m picking you up tomorrow instead okay?” Normally he would have accompanied it with a hair ruffle but a beanie is in the way today. 

“So what is it you have planned today? Shouldn’t you at least have a lightning assistant or something?” JongIn merely shakes his head and pulls ChanYeol along over to some toilets, pressing a bag into his hands. “Put this on and then come out again.” Incredulously ChanYeol stares at the plastic bag now in his hands and then up at JongIn. “No makeup or hair styling?” Bottom lip between his teeth JongIn shakes his head and ushers ChanYeol inside. Well that’s interesting. 

Carefully, as if something will jump out, ChanYeol opens the bag and inside is something he really didn’t expect. At first he can’t really recall why it seems so familiar. It’s a pair of denim overalls, a red snap back and a simple white t-shirt. Then he fishes out the picture at the bottom of the bag. It’s him clad in the same kind of outfit at the age of five. It’s the only photo-shoot he ever did as a child and he thought no one knew of it, but JongIn did apparently. Quickly dressing himself in the same way as on the picture he can see the differences in the clothing. His overalls now are more figure sown and not quite so simple, pockets big and loose. Like in the picture he has one of the straps down and the other up so the white t-shirt is shown more. A small smile appears on his face as he looks at the picture and tries to imitate his five year old self. “Hey are you done soon?” JongIn calls out and snaps ChanYeol back into the present. Opening the door with a soft smile he looks down at JongIn. “Really? You found out about this, how?” Waving him off JongIn motions for him to follow him further down the river park. They stop in front of a small playground and before he can stop himself ChanYeol laughs. 

“We’re really recreating this picture?” Eagerly JongIn nods and starts to set up his camera. “Of course, it’s the most important picture really. The very first photo-shoot supermodel Park ChanYeol ever did and it’s forgotten? Outrageous.” The exaggerated disbelief in his voice has ChanYeol laughing once more. The sun is finally rising and the playground is soon enough splayed in the red colors. “Now hyung. Over to the swings and pose in the same way.” Quickly ridding himself of his long winter coat ChanYeol stands in front of the swings and puts his hands in the pockets of the overalls and makes his widest smile while leaning a bit forward. It’s refreshing the way his light brown fringe falls into his eyes and his face is bare. He continues to try to recreate the love and the excitement for life he had as a child, smile widening more naturally and eyes softening as he starts to feel a happiness bubble inside him. 

“Perfect. Put on your coat we’re done here.” JongIn says as he packs down his equipment. 

 

 

 

They get breakfast at a small café pushed into the corner of a tiny alley and ChanYeol goes out to the toilet to change into his casual black outfit once again. When he comes back out again JongIn is sitting at one of the plush seats with a cup of warm beverage between his fingers, nose almost dipping into the foam at the top. His beanie has been pulled off and the hair hasn’t been straightened from the disarray. It looks as soft as it is. In moments like this ChanYeol wishes he was the photographer to capture the soft aura of happiness that JongIn radiates. Taking a deep breath and stealing one lingering glance at JongIn’s side profile ChanYeol goes forward and dumps himself into the plush chair across JongIn. A large cup of Latte is waiting for him alongside a small blueberry muffin on the table between them. Without a word ChanYeol relaxes into the chair and lets silence envelop them comfortably. 

 

 

 

ChanYeol drives them to the next location, a rundown tall hotel in the outskirts of Seoul. JongIn leads him up the many stairs and unlocks a door located in the other end of a long corridor full of exact replicas of the door only the number above them being different. Beige colors turned yellowish and the paint is peeling off and cracking. The feeling is slightly like the beginning of a horror movie and ChanYeol feels a shiver run down his back bone just as the door creaks open. The insides of the room are not much better at all, but the sheets on the bed at least seem clean and there are no suspicious red spots on the carpet. JongIn thrusts another similar black bag into ChanYeol’s hands and points him towards the bathroom. Ignoring the pointing finger ChanYeol starts to strip down there in the middle of the room. He doesn’t notice how JongIn gulps and averts his gaze pointedly. 

In the bag this time there’s nothing more than a pair of Levi’s jeans, a pair of his own if he’s not wrong. Pulling the jeans on he looks at the picture and realizes he will have to take of his boxer briefs too. Not putting much thought in it he strips out of the jeans and briefs before pulling the jeans back on without closing them. It’s a picture from his very first Levi’s campaign. Him splayed on a bed devoid of any clothing except the pair of jeans, a very typical Levi’s photo. 

“So I guess you know what to do.” JongIn says. His voice unsteady in the dingy room and of course ChanYeol does. He’s not a supermodel for just any reason. He lies on the bed and arches his hips a bit in a way he knows makes his hipbones look delicious and as his eyes hood and practically fucks the camera JongIn start to click away, camera handheld. Fluidly he moves around ChanYeol as the flashes from his camera lights up the room. 

 

 

 

ByungHun is lounging on his couch when ChanYeol wakes up. It’s not that ChanYeol isn’t happy to see his friend after so long, so the screech of horror is more because _how the hell did he get in?_ “I know your code.” The younger smirks as he continues to lounge on the couch without further explanation on why he is here. ChanYeol hasn’t seen him for months, he’s been following his favorite _he’s more than my favorite, he’s the epitome of perfection_ idol around the world, somehow having landed himself a job as an assistant. “Back from the tour already?” ChanYeol ventures out into the open kitchen space and starts brewing coffee. He’s not nearly awake enough for this. “Make me a cup too hyung.” ByungHun pads in after him. “Last concert was yesterday I have a week off before we start on preparing for the big comeback and since JongHyun kicked me out I was planning on crashing here until he lets me in again.” Leaning against the counter ChanYeol watches as ByungHun raids his fridge. “I don’t mind the couch it’s so big I could lay there with another me.” He continues. 

“Why do I surround myself with tiny people?” ChanYeol wonders out loud, snapping up straight ByungHun socks him in the stomach, hard. “So you feel better about the rest of your stupid. Height is your only attractive trait.”  Eyeing the purple headed, (wasn’t he red headed last week when he sent him a drunken snapchat?) ChanYeol grabs him in a headlock and starts to give him a noogie. They play wrestle, ending up on the ground where they keep throwing halfhearted punches at each other.

“I don’t hope we’re interrupting something.” Comes a dry comment from above and ChanYeol looks up at KyungSoo’s unimpressed face. “Look another tiny human.” Big wide eyes squint before looking to ByungHun. “Please hit him for me too, thank you.” With a well-aimed punch to his solar plexus they break from each other and only then does ChanYeol notice JongIn standing rigidly behind KyungSoo. “Oh. Hi JongIn. I thought we were meeting up later?” Relatively embarrassed at having being caught brawling about as if he isn’t in his late twenties but in his teens ChanYeol quickly gets to his feet and throws out a hand to help ByungHun up too. “The poor boy called me this morning to wail about one thing or another, unfortunately for him I was sleeping and he woke me up, so as a punishment I made him come with me here.” KyungSoo calls over his shoulder as he settles down on the couch with ChanYeol’s cup of coffee in his hands. 

“When did hanging out with me turn into a punishment?” That’s offending. ChanYeol is a great person and KyungSoo should be grateful that ChanYeol’s in his life. “I knew ByungHun would be here and that’s a punishment combination.” Opening his mouth to ask how he knew ByungHun would be here, “How do you think he got the code to your door?” oh. 

 

 

 

As usual ByungHun is quiet around strangers and JongIn is too (except he never was around ChanYeol?) and right now it’s just so utterly awkward ChanYeol doesn’t know what to do with himself. JongIn is eyeing ByungHun suspiciously and ByungHun is glaring back, a bit helpless ChanYeol shoots KyungSoo a pleading and confused look. “How come JongHyun threw you out? Is it the usual?” KyungSoo directs at ByungHun who finally snaps away from staring down JongIn. “Yeah. I came home from the tour and he was all _you only care about your stupid JiYong hyung and never thinks about me_ yadda yadda. Pretty sure he’ll let me back in after a week. He didn’t even let me kiss him.” and just like that the tension fell. 

 

 

 

“That new photographer guy totally digs you.” Is the first thing that greets him as he steps in after having had JongIn slave drive him through three photo-shoots. “What.” ByungHun stares at him as if he’s the dumbest person on the earth. “Photographer. Wants. To. Bone. You.”

What.

“What.” Clearly giving up on ChanYeol’s intelligence ByungHun throws his arms in the air. “That JongIn fellow wants to suck your dick, fuck your ass, and kiss you senseless. He fucking digs you.” ByungHun must have lost his mind so ChanYeol ignores him and goes straight over to his bed and face-plants, promptly falling asleep. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They’re nearing the end of their recreating of ChanYeol’s model career, only two days left before ChanYeol has to go back to stressful schedules where he’ll have to face mean exes. He’s going to miss hanging out with JongIn every day, seeing his face light up whenever ChanYeol falls over his own limbs or his voice softly directing him. Today they’re in a penthouse all too familiar to ChanYeol and as he looks down on the picture in his hand, he can feel his heart ache. 

The apartment is so different from the last time he was here, yet it’s the same and that’s what hurts the most. It’s the small differences, another color theme of the pillows on the couch. There’s not the clutter there used to be, it’s all so tidy and neat. ChanYeol knew this apartment like the back of his hand, now he only knows the basic of what he has seen. 

Today they’re recreating a photo session ChanYeol remembers all too clearly. He’s actually naked in this one, rare for a fashion model, but this is isn’t from a fashion shoot. It had been for a photo collection and it had been that series that established ChanYeol as one of the best models Korea has ever seen. There had been so many emotions displayed on his face and he’s not sure if he can recreate them again. This time there’s no infuriating beautiful Luhan behind the camera coaxing him through the shoot with sugarcoated words of praise. ChanYeol had been so young and naive back then. Now that he thinks about it, it’s after Luhan that all his relationships have gone awry. 

“Are you ready? Just say if you need a break okay?” Either JongIn can read his face too easily or he knows about this shoot and how much it means to ChanYeol. “I wanted to avoid it but it’s impossible.” JongIn says after a while and he sounds so sorry and guilty it makes ChanYeol’s eyes tear up a bit. His throat is constricting, so he chokes out his words, “It’s alright. It’s been seven years already, I shouldn’t be hung up on it anymore.” Silently JongIn nods and patiently waits for ChanYeol to swallow his tears. “Okay, I think I’m ready.” He mutters at last and sheds himself of the long white bathrobe he’s been dressed in for the longest time. 

Luhan’s penthouse apartment is empty save for them and ChanYeol feels vulnerable under JongIn’s unwavering gaze on his naked body. He lies down on the faux fur laid out on the floor in front of a pseudo fireplace. There are four rooms and he knows they’ll have to take pictures in all four, a living room, a bedroom, a kitchen and a bathroom. ChanYeol tries not to think too hard of all the memories he has in these rooms. Tries not to think about Luhan’s smile as he kissed him slowly and savoring on the faux bearskin he’s on right now. “I don’t know how Luhan hyung got all those emotions out from you the last time, but today we do it my way and I want you to lower any parades you have up. Think about him if that’s what you want, think of anything you want. In this I don’t want a replica. I want the feel of the shoot, of the vulnerability you displayed during that shoot. I want you like you are raw and imperfect.” JongIn’s quiet voice rings in the silent space and ChanYeol starts a bit at the underlying harsh tone of annoyance but he stops trying not to remember and lets it all flood his thoughts, completely forgetting JongIn is even there. He lets his body run on autopilot as his heart hurts more and more, because they had been so perfect. There hadn’t been any problems at all. It was almost day to day that it happened and then ChanYeol had left his heart in the space he is in now. 

Suddenly there’s a warm hand cupping his cheek and ChanYeol blinks away the tears that he hadn’t been aware were falling. JongIn’s face with contrasting soft and hard lines comes in sight after the blurriness subsides. The younger’s eyes are locked on his lips, expressing so much longing and want that ChanYeol almost wants to give in to it. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers before closing the distance and presses a desperate kiss to ChanYeol’s lips. “I’m so, so sorry.” He keeps whispering as he buries his head in ChanYeol’s neck and ChanYeol wants to ask _what for?_ “I’m so sorry for putting you through this. I’m so sorry for having put you through this.” and just as ChanYeol is about to ask what he’s talking about, JongIn presses a brief kiss to the column of his neck and gets up. “Come, I’ve gotten what I needed from this. Let’s move to the bedroom.” 

Not caring about his nakedness ChanYeol gets up and moves to the bedroom. It’s still the same bed just with different covers and a new scent mixed in alongside Luhan’s. Reluctantly he lies down on it, willing himself not to press his nose into what he knows is Luhan’s pillow, but he does unconsciously so and a sob works his way through his lips. Soon his whole body is shaking as tears spill out from his eyes and he’s choking up on sobs. JongIn lets him and just continue to snap picture after picture of how broken ChanYeol really is. First when the shaking has stopped and the sobs no longer choke him up does JongIn speak again. “You know, it’s all a facade.” ChanYeol stills at the sound of another voice and feels embarrassed at having shown a side to JongIn he has never shown to anyone else. “The asshole personality Luhan has around you is nothing but a fraud. There are not many that care so much about you as he does.” 

Whipping around in absolute anger, “and the fuck is that supposed to mean? That he treated me like shit and as if I had only been a fucktoy for the last seven years but he didn’t mean it? Bullshit.” ChanYeol shouts. JongIn continues to press the shutter as emotions flutters across ChanYeol’s features. “Yes. He’s been calling been every day to check and see if you were doing okay. That’s why he let me use his apartment. That’s why he’s been periodically checking up on you for the last seven years through KyungSoo hyung.” It doesn’t make sense, why would Luhan do that? Why would he have broken up with ChanYeol then? He just didn’t understand it. Curling in on himself, pulling his legs tight to his chest and hiding his face in his knees, ChanYeol draws a shaky breath. “Why?” It barely audible and he’s a bit surprised that JongIn caught it.

“Because he loved you, still does really. For the first year all he did was using MinSeok hyung as an emotional support only after then did it evolve into feelings of love.” For a short while only their breathing is heard before JongIn continues. “But he gave you up because of me, because I was selfish.” He doesn’t elaborate, ChanYeol doesn’t really want him to. “Are we done? Can I go now?” ChanYeol knows they’re not anywhere near done but right now he doesn’t care. There’s a current of anger in him right now and he really doesn’t wish to punch JongIn the face but if what he got from that confession is right, he will if he doesn’t get away from the other quickly. As soon as he hears the softer than normal _yes,_ he’s pulling on clothes and striding out the door only leaving a resonating slam of it behind.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

 

“Told you.”   
  
“Please ByungHun, just-”  
  
“I know, I’ll go now. Remember I’m just a phone call away.”

 

 

 

ChanYeol doesn’t know how long he has been lying on his bed, staring up at his high ceiling and the tissue formed lamps giving out sparse light in the otherwise completely dark apartment. The sun has set so he knows it’s after five but he can’t find it in him to care. ByungHun left long ago, leaving him in his misery alone like he wanted. His anger has dissipated and all there’s left is numbness. He’s not sure how to think of JongIn anymore or Luhan or anyone really.   
  
Turning around so he’s staring into the wall, head pillowed on his hands ChanYeol sighs. He feels so utterly alone and left behind. Why hadn’t KyungSoo told him? Why hadn’t anyone told him? Seemingly everybody knew and no one had told him. He can hear the front door opening and closing, light steps coming closer until the bed is dipping under the weight of someone else. “Hey Yeol-ah.” Fuck. He’d expected it to be ByungHun or maybe KyungSoo, but not Luhan. He can’t fucking face Luhan, his everything is hurting because of Luhan. “Go away fuckface.” There’s a scoff and then a body pressing against his back. “I am hurt.” The tears are welling up and ChanYeol can feel his throat clogging again. “And I haven’t been?” It’s hard to ignore the broken sound of his voice, how the deepness cracks unevenly instead of the usual smoothness. “You have and no matter how much I apologies nothing can fix that.”   
  
“You know I came back home to an almost insane JongIn. He was buried in the bearskin and I think he might’ve tried to suffocate himself in it? I’m not really sure what he was doing actually. He was kind of screaming and sobbing and banging his head all at the same time. I got pretty worried.”   
  
“The point of this is, JongIn really, really regrets what he has done. I don’t know how much he told you since all he did were mumble. But I think it was for the best.”   
  
ChanYeol had been lying still but at that he sits up abruptly, ripping himself from the arms Luhan had put around him. “What? It was for the best that you went from one day loving me to suddenly treating me like shit the next?” His voice is loud and he feels Luhan flinch. “No. That was a selfish action on my side. That was so I wouldn’t hurt so much. I do think it was for the best that we went our separate ways. You were in your prime back then, a relationship wouldn’t have made you truly blossom the way I know you could and did. I’m just sad that it was such a broken flower that bloomed.”   
  
“ChanYeol, you’re one of the best models I’ve ever worked with if not the best. I would’ve held you back in the end.” The sincerity in Luhan’s eyes and the guilt dizzies him. “But why? Why would you have held me back?”  
  
“I’m eight years older than you, I was ready to settle down and I knew you would never say no, that you’d want to be with me every day. If we stayed together your career would never have gotten any further and I would blame myself forever for it. It wouldn’t have been fair to any of us. You were barely out of your teens yet.”  
  
The hand stroking his cheek felt cold. There was nothing soothing about it or the words. They didn’t make his anger dissipate but he knew that tomorrow they would make sense to him. That it will soothe it a bit.   
  
“Please leave.”  
  
“Don’t be mad at JongIn. Yes he did ask me to break it off with you, but it was my decision and he had nothing to do with that. He was just a student of mine at the time that had fallen in love with you from the sidelines. I know he’s been blaming himself for the breakup for years but it had nothing to do with him.” The desperation and guilt still lingering on his lips from the kiss makes sense now. JongIn’s lips on his had felt so raw and so apologetic. Something twists in him and the sadness and anger gives away to a feeling ChanYeol can’t put his finger on.  
  
A soft press of once loved lips against his temple, he doesn’t even hear the door close behind Luhan. 

 

 

 

“ChanYeol?”  
  
“KyungSoo, it hurts.”  
  
“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

 

 

There’s a throbbing in his head when he wakes up, his stomach growling in hunger and eyes stingingly dry. He can hear someone in the kitchen and there’s a blanket thrown over him that he hadn’t put there himself. Quietly and slowly getting out of bed he pads towards the kitchen area. The small person there hears him and turns around with a soft smile. “Oh, you’re up. Come get a glass of water and a bit to eat. You must be exhausted after that emotional trip yesterday.” The smile doesn’t falter even when ChanYeol gives no reaction. “Come on sit down. I’ll get it to you.” He ushers again and ChanYeol blinks. “JoonMyun hyung?” An old familiar hand caresses his cheek as another pushes him down into a chair. “How? What? I don’t understand.” JoonMyun gives him no explanation only urges him to eat and drink the light meal put before him. 

 

 

 

“Hyung.” Finally JoonMyun looks at him. He’s perched at the kitchen counter, warm cup of coffee in his hands as he looks down seriously at ChanYeol. JoonMyun had been his first hook up so to say after Luhan. It was more like JoonMyun patched him back together as well as he could with kisses and intimate touches. “You’re still so beautiful, glad to see you less broken though.” the older states with a fond smile. “You’re probably wondering what I’m doing here right?” The light from the LED lamps suddenly stings in his eyes. He hasn’t seen JoonMyun in years and now he’s in his kitchen as if he had been all along. ChanYeol understands so little right now, confusion clouding his mind and he hates the feeling. “Actually I called up KyungSoo yesterday to see if your schedule would fit in a breakfast date with me. Just wanted to catch up and then I hear that some quite bad stuff went down yesterday so I dropped by instead.” Gently grabbing ChanYeol’s arm he leads them to the bed and lies down pulling ChanYeol over him. JoonMyun is so much smaller than him but the comfort of his familiar arms around his waist is welcomed.   
  
Time is lost as they lay there, ChanYeol’s head perched on JoonMyun’s chest as short fingers run through his unruly hair. JoonMyun tells about his travels around the world and the wife and kids he now has at home. He promises to one day introduce ChanYeol to them, tells him that his two young girls are utterly in love with him. No words are said about the tears rolling down ChanYeol’s cheeks or the turmoil going on in his head.   
  
ChanYeol hadn’t realized how much he had missed JoonMyun’s gentle words and comforting arms. No one can calm him down the same way and slowly a resolution forms in his head. 

 

 

 

KyungSoo comes by later with food and a written apology from JongIn.   
  
ChanYeol doesn’t want a letter; he wants _JongIn_ to show up.   
  
JongIn doesn’t show up.

 

 

 

He goes through the Christmas shows in a daze, changing out of clothing and changing into clothes on autopilot. With practiced steps he walks down the runways, eyes unfocused and heart heavy and before he knows it it’s the twenty-fourth, a magical evening outside. Light snow falling down onto loving couples walking hand in hand in the streets.   
  
ChanYeol stuffs his hands deeper into the big pockets of his black wool trench coat and buries his head in the big deep burgundy scarf he has wound around his neck. His hands are freezing and he mentally berates himself for having forgotten his gloves. The cold night air is fresh, cold cutting in his nose. The slight wind carrying the pretty snowflakes makes his cheeks red and his eyes water a bit. He has a beanie pulled down over his ears and he knows that not many would be able to see more than his eyes.   
  
Why had he chosen to walk to JoonMyun’s place instead of taking his car? He knows he has a reason but in the biting cold and with ten minutes to go he fails to see it. There are couples everywhere and ChanYeol wishes he was on a date instead of going home to celebrate Christmas with an old fuckbuddy and said fuckbuddy’s family. JoonMyun had probably only invited him out of pity, not wanting him to be lonely on the biggest dating night of the year.   
  
No news had been heard from JongIn and ChanYeol found himself more and more frustrated. The small interview part had been done through KyungSoo, even if ChanYeol had found himself hoping JongIn would come ringing on his doorbell. His nose tip a bright red and his body hidden in a big coat, but he hasn’t seen him for a week now. No bright grins and stupid laughs, no hand tugging on his jacket asking to go and eat chicken.   
  
At first he had been angry at JongIn, but then when it went away all it did was leaving an empty spot behind. JongIn wouldn’t answer any of his calls at all or reply to his texts. KyungSoo said that he’d even hang up if KyungSoo tried to bring up ChanYeol.

 

 

 

He can feel the nervous jittering in his leg as he waits for the door to open. Does JoonMyun’s wife know what they did in the past? He’s chewing absentmindedly on his lower lip when the door opens and a tiny woman comes in sight. She’s a bit on the chubby side with kind eyes and long hair. She smiles when she has to crane her neck to look at his face and he’s hit with an urge to hug her. Flustered he bows instead continuously and thanks her for inviting him into her home. She shakes her head at him and introduces herself as JinAe and the affection ChanYeol feels for her already is overwhelming. There’s the same soft and warm charisma coming from her as there comes from JoonMyun, it makes ChanYeol feel so safe and welcome the moment he steps into the apartment.   
  
When she steps aside to let him take of his shoes he notices two small girls behind her. Their eyes wide and attentive on him, he gives them a little wave and a bright smile. They jump over to clutch the side of their mother’s legs with shy eyes looking down. The small pleased smiles on their faces betray them from hiding how happy they really are. Stepping over to them he feels like a tower so he squats and keeps his friendly smile on.   
  
“Hi, I’m ChanYeol.” He waves again, keeping his eyes on them. “You two must be EunAe and EunJung. Your father has told me so much about you, but he didn’t say how pretty you two are.” That’s a lie. JoonMyun kept gushing about _his two small beautiful angels_ but it’s worth saying to see the blush spread over their cheeks.   
  
“Come, my husband should be waiting in the living room.” JinAe tells him and gratefully he follows her and the two girls into a big living room. It’s pleasantly decorated for Christmas, home cut paper hearts hanging in the window and Christmas drawings hung on the walls. It seems so homely compared to his own and in the middle of it all JoonMyun stands with a big smile on his face, dressed in the most awful sweater ChanYeol has ever seen. “Why would you put on something so hideous when you know a fashion model is coming?” Is the first thing that comes out of his mouth, but JoonMyun just laughs and pulls him into a hug. “Glad you could make it.” ChanYeol is too, he already feels completely at ease where he normally would still be fretting a bit. “Thank you for inviting me.”

 

 

 

They’re chatting comfortably, sitting on the off-white canvas couches when someone rings the doorbell. The two small girls, who so far still haven’t spoken a word to ChanYeol, springs up excitedly running for the door JinAe quietly following behind them. Whoever the person is, it must be family. From the friendly greetings and the comfortable way the girls are talking to them. It’s a bit surprising there’s another one coming, ChanYeol thought he would be the only guest.   
  
“Uncle InIn come see him. He’s so pretty...” He hears one of them say and soon they’re pulling in a tall guy. A tall guy with tousled dark brown hair, sleepy eyes, lips made for kissing and sun kissed skin. “JongIn?” His voice sounds breathless but he does feel a little breathless. It feels like forever since he last saw him and the realization of that hits him like a train. He’s missed JongIn more than he thought. JongIn looks just as surprised to see him as he is to see JongIn. JoonMyun smiles through the dark glare JongIn sends him and says softly, “We’ll leave now to go and set the table. I want you two to talk.” then he leaves with an arm around JinAe and the girls running after the two.   
  
Silence surrounds them before JongIn trudges over the other couch, pouting like a petulant child. “How do you know hyung?” ChanYeol asks first. “He’s my stupid cousin.” JongIn grumbles in reply. ChanYeol didn’t know JoonMyun had a cousin nor that JongIn did. “I’m not mad at you.” JongIn’s head snaps up so fast ChanYeol is worried it would break off. “I’m not.” He says again, following up with a, “Really.” when JongIn looks suspicious. “I talked to Luhan and he explained a bit. Stop blaming yourself and stop ignoring me.” He’s not even trying to conceal the hurt in his voice. “I missed you.”   
  
The silence is deafening in ChanYeol’s ears and he feels slightly suffocated. His hands aren’t that interesting but he can’t meet JongIn’s eyes. Eyes he can feel looking at him. “If I kissed you now would you reject me?” JongIn whispers, voice seemingly afraid to come out. “I don’t think so, but I would rather that you didn’t.” The image of JongIn with dejected eyes is easy to imagine, but the hurt in his voice as he speaks up shouldn’t be possible. “Why?” There are a lot of reasons. He doesn’t want to hurt JongIn with undecided feelings, he’s not sure of how he would react but first and foremost because, “It would be kind of awkward, considering my history with JoonMyun hyung.”  There’s a strangled noise that makes ChanYeol look up and the expression on JongIn’s face is indescribable. “What?” Oh.   
  
Somehow detecting anger JoonMyun appears and in a split second JongIn has him pressed down into the couch cushions and is visibly seething. “You fucked ChanYeol?” ChanYeol is genuinely scared for JoonMyun. JongIn has more than a few centimeters on him and seems to be better build too. JoonMyun isn’t exactly young anymore either. “Ehehehe, shouldn’t we wait with this conversation to another evening?” The sheepishness is dripping from his voice and it’s clear he’s a bit frightened. “It’s really not a big deal; it’s what almost seven years ago now?” ChanYeol tries, that only makes the frown between JongIn’s eyebrows deepen and he presses harder. “So just after? Even if you knew how I felt?” JoonMyun does look apologetic. “What was I supposed to do? I was a lonely business man with a broken beauty beside me. You were on the other side of the earth. It’s not fair to blame this entirely on me and you know I can’t just sit and watch someone break and if you have forgotten I’m very much in love with my wife. I’m not going to steal ChanYeol away from you.” Reluctantly JongIn stops the pressing. “Let’s forget about all these feelings for tonight and enjoy the wonderful meal JinAe has put together for us okay?” There’s no room for discussion and ChanYeol finds himself nodding in agreement without really wanting too. 

 

 

 

“Thank you for the lovely dinner it was delicious and I can’t thank you enough for having me tonight.” ChanYeol bows once more and JinAe pats his cheek affectionately before trying to get the two girls to let go of his legs. They had started to talk to him after he whipped out the two dolls he bought them as gifts, clinging to every available limp there were and refusing to let go. “Hey princess’ I’ll come back and visit lots and lots okay?” He says affectionately, patting their heads softly so not to ruin their pretty braids. “Promise?” The eldest EunAe asks looking up at him with big eyes and he nods smiling reassuringly. JinAe smiles thankfully at him when the two girls let go and follows her to their bedroom.   
  
JongIn tugs lightly at his coat, silently urging him to hurry up. “Hyung thank you for inviting me.” JoonMyun opens his arms for a hug and ChanYeol is about to give him one when JongIn pulls him back, eyes glaring holes into JoonMyun’s head. “Right. No touching.” Throwing his hands up jokingly in surrender JoonMyun waves them goodbye, sending ChanYeol a meaningful wink he’s not sure what means.   
  
“Hyung.” JongIn’s voice startles him slightly in the silence of the elevator. “Can I take you out on a date?”   
  
“Yeah.”

 

 

 

The snow is falling heavier as they walk side by side, shoulders bumping and hands grazing. ChanYeol’s hand is freezing, but the warmth JongIn’s hand is emitting is something he doesn’t want to miss. JongIn isn’t wearing his big puffy jacket today and the sleek lines of the woolen coat highlight his broad shoulders. It’s a back ChanYeol feels safe looking at, those shoulders seems like they would be able to carry all his worries away without feeling a thing. In a brave moment he hooks his pinky around JongIn’s with a soft squeeze. JongIn doesn’t look at him but a smile lights up on his face as his own pinky squeezes back.   
  
JongIn leads him over to a Christmas decorated square where couples are looking up at big Christmas tree. Lights are glittering around it in all kinds of colors. It’s a breathtaking sight, it’s been so long since he was out on Christmas Eve and he never has the time to go around and look at the different kinds of decorations that is around the city. Warmth bursts in his chest when JongIn steps closer and pulls him in with an arm around his waist so he can lean on the younger’s chest.   
  
“I really like you hyung, more than you can probably imagine.” JongIn’s smooth voice washes in over him, plush lips grazing the rim of his ear, forming words slowly but sincerely. “I started in fashion photography again selfishly because I wanted you to be mine.” People around the walk past them without a second glance, but ChanYeol’s heart is beating so hard he’s sure they’ll end up hearing it. JongIn’s nose nuzzles against his throat, the cold tip burning against his skin. “I really want to kiss you.” The words are whispered into his ear softly, breath puffing out warm and humid. “Right now, right here in front of all of these people to show you how sincere I am.”  
  
There’s a small tremble in JongIn’s voice and the younger has buried his head in ChanYeol’s shoulder, the grip around his waist has tightened and ChanYeol can feel the nervousness and the embarrassment through it. “You wouldn’t care about being called names if you kissed me?” Skinship is normal between guys yes, but kissing isn’t. “No.” The resolute in JongIn’s voice spreads pleasantly over ChanYeol in a reassuring blanket of comfort. “I know that most of your exes broke up with you because they never felt they could gain your love. That you saw a ghost of Luhan in them, they were hurt that you never really loved them. I will wait until you love me and only me. I won’t give up no matter how hard it is. I want to be someone you can rely one-thousand percent on.” Now BaekHyun’s jabs make sense, why he always asked for emotions. “Okay.”   
  
The pounding in his chest quickens when JongIn turns him around, almost carefully, arms locking around his waist and eyes steadily looking into his. With a tilt of JongIn’s head, ChanYeol can feel the warmth of his breath puff over his lips. “I really hope that was an okay to kiss you.” JongIn whispers just before he closes the distance and kisses ChanYeol. It’s gentle and hard all at once. JongIn’s lips are dry from the cold but they feel so soft against ChanYeol’s and with the way JongIn is kissing him it feels like JongIn never wants to let him go.   
  
He’s not sure how long went by with them just kissing, all he can see is JongIn with swollen red lips and slightly glazed over eyes looking at him as if he’s the most amazing thing he’s ever seen and it’s so overwhelming ChanYeol has to step back. Scared he looks at JongIn, JongIn with his dark chocolate eyes and chocolate milky skin and wonderful red plush lips. JongIn that now looks at him confused and worried and ChanYeol’s head hurts. No one has ever looked at him like that before.   
  
“ChanYeol?” JongIn’s voice is so careful like he’ll scare off ChanYeol if he spoke too loud. Focusing his eyes on JongIn again he smiles a little and grabs JongIn’s hand, lacing their fingers together as he steps closer. He lets his head rest against JongIn’s shoulder letting the comfort of just being near JongIn wash over him.   
  
“You were so beautiful all those years ago, still are of course, but I was there on that day, the photo session at Luhan’s place. The way your eyes, bright and wide were staring unabashedly at Luhan made me angry and sad. I wanted those eyes only on me but I was young and dumb and in a fit of emotions I asked Luhan with tears streaming down my face to break up with you.”   
  
JongIn buries his nose in ChanYeol’s hair, taking in a deep breath. “He laughed at me you know. Not really a mean laugh but I could see that he didn’t take me seriously. I was just a kid so I understand why. Really that’s why I packed up my things and went into wild life photography instead. Still all those years I never forgot your wide eyes and I just couldn’t get you out of my head.”  
  
ChanYeol’s not really sure what to do with all the information but he kept quiet and waited to see if JongIn was done or not. “And then I got back and you were so enthralling to look at and your eyes. Your damn eyes there was still so much sorrow and hurt and yet still you took everything in stride, every mean jab and comment, and you were so kind to me and I fell for you all over again.”  
  
Lifting his head he looks straight at JongIn, their close proximity somewhat startling him, the faint red color on JongIn’s face from the cold weather or maybe from his confession taking him by surprise. For a second he just stares before leaning in and kissing JongIn savoring. “Thank you” He whispers low enough for JongIn not to hear. 

 

 

 

The party is in full swing when ChanYeol arrives, crisp in his burgundy shirt and white slacks, his hair styled away from his face. The New Year is just around the corner, a few hours and it’ll no longer be two 2019 and a new decade will begin. Browsing the crowd gathered in Luhan’s penthouse he’s met with familiar faces most of them with a smile on their lips greeting him politely. He’s idly wondering if KyungSoo has arrived yet and if he should go looking for him when someone pulls him into a very awkward headlock due to height difference.   
  
“I hear you hooked up with a new photographer.” JongDae teases lightly with a push and pull of ChanYeol relatively larger body. “And a good looking one too, though of course not better looking than me. I swear I am your best catch to this date.” The smaller accompanies it with an obnoxious wink and ChanYeol has to bite his tongue not to let out an annoyed groan. “What do you want JongDae?” He asks instead and JongDae’s teasing lilt to his lips turns soft instead.  
  
“Seeing you here tells me that you finally got over Luhan. So I wanted to congratulate you and wish you a happy life.” Staring in disbelief when BaekHyun slides up and hooks his arm around JongDae’s, staring him down in distaste but not in the usual hateful way. “Or I should have said we.” An even softer look comes over his sharp features as he looks at BaekHyun. ChanYeol chokes a bit on the air, “What? When? How?” BaekHyun sneers a bit and beside him JongDae coughs out a _bad habits die hard_ earning himself an elbow in the side and a glare from BaekHyun. “Well we bonded over our extreme dislike for you and I finally got the feelings I’ve been searching for. Bye.” BaekHyun bites but JongDae is shaking his head discreetly beside him before he’s pulled away. ChanYeol, still a bit dumbstruck over the new information, looks after the couple in awe. He hopes they find what they didn’t find in him in each other.   
  
“Yeol-ah!” Luhan calls for him and just by the tone of his voice ChanYeol can already hear that he’s drank a drink or two too much. “My dear and lovely Yeol-ah.” He’s pull into a tight hug that makes his stomach clench uncomfortably. He’s not quite over the last seven years of hurtful comments. “Luhan.” The older looks up at him with sad eyes and reach his hand up to pat his cheek. “I’m so sorry my pretty Yeol-ah. I should’ve talked with you, my pretty, pretty Yeol-ah. Yeol-ah, I’m so sorry do you forgive hyung? Can you forgive Lulu hyung?” There’s tears welling up in Luhan’s eyes and ChanYeol can feel panic starting in him. “Of course I forgive... Lulu hyung.” A sob wretch its way over Luhan’s lips before ChanYeol is crushed in a tighter than anyone would be comfortable with hug. “Forgive Lulu hyung. He’s stupid. My pretty Yeol-ah.”   
  
ChanYeol’s pretty sure he’s never felt so happy to see MinSeok as much as he is in this moment. “Come on Luhan, let ChanYeol go.” MinSeok tries to coax but Luhan clings on tighter to ChanYeol and pouts pitifully at MinSeok. “No, my pretty Yeol-ah hasn’t forgiven bad Lulu hyung.” Exasperated MinSeok sighs and forcefully drags Luhan off of ChanYeol. “I’m sure ChanYeol has forgiven you but I might not if you keep clinging to your _ex_ and calling him your pretty Yeol-ah.” That gets a reaction out of Luhan who whines and clings onto MinSeok who’s staring angrily at him. ChanYeol mouths a quick _thank you, sorry_ to MinSeok before hurrying away from them.   
  
With a relieved exhale ChanYeol leans up against the big glass windows and closes his eyes, finally a bit of peace, “Yo shitface.” or not. “SeHun I’m still your elder.” He opens his eyes and stares into SeHun’s bored face, eyes leveling him with a stare saying _so?_ “Shitface.” He repeats bored and ChanYeol really isn’t up for this right now, he actually mostly just want to go home and bury himself in his bed with his laptop and watch stupid movies, but he had promised JongIn to meet up here and he’s not backing away from that. “What?” Only then does he notice the tall guy beside SeHun and if it wasn’t because he was smiling ChanYeol would’ve been scared for his life. He looks positively deadly and not only in the drop dead gorgeous way, he also looks painfully familiar. “Oh! You’re that stylist that gave Kris a dress on.” The stylist’s smile widens when he knows he’s recognized. “Hello, I’m Zitao. I’m friends with JongIn and SeHun here. I’m the one that has redesigned a lot of the clothes for your project with JongIn.” ChanYeol is about to thank Zitao for his cooperation when SeHun apparently thinks they’ve talked enough and drags Zitao away with a scowl.   
  
ChanYeol thinks he’s finally got a bit of time for himself when he’s pulled into another bone crushing hug and when he looks down he’s looking into Yixing’s kind smiling eyes. “Congratulations. Be happy, I’m coming over soon I have something I want you to have.” and then he’s gone again. ChanYeol feels like he missed a memo of some sort. Have Luhan gathered all of his exes? He knows for sure that JoonMyun isn’t here but other than that the only one ChanYeol hasn’t met tonight is Kris. Standing on his toes he tries to scout over the mass of heads in search of another that’s above all the rest, but comes up with nothing.   
  
The door leading to the rooftop garden is closed so ChanYeol sneaks through it, hoping to find some quiet for himself before going back to look for JongIn. There are no lit outdoor candles and it’s almost pitch black. There’s a loveseat swing faintly silhouetted from the light of the city below and fumbling a bit ChanYeol finds his way to it. He’s half seated when there comes a voice from under him. “I wouldn’t do that.” He jumps a bit and then curses in his head. Of course Kris would be here lying on the loveseat with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. “Seriously, did you all get an invitation saying let’s torture ChanYeol with ghosts from his past on the last night of this year?” He bursts voice loud and clear in the silent night air. Kris laughs, a small dry sound thanks to his smoking. “No, but that would’ve been pretty funny. Is your new boy coming tonight?” The tall model sits up and pats the space beside him and a bit hesitant ChanYeol sits down. “He should. He’s friends with Luhan and he made me come.” The cold is beginning to sting in his cheeks a bit and he wishes it was JongIn beside him so he could curl into his warmth. “Maybe I should gather the others and then we can all stand and stare at you two while you give the New Year’s kiss.” ChanYeol turns to Kris with wide horrified eyes and Kris bends over in good hearted laughter. “Don’t get worried,” he huffs out between small bursts of laughter, “I wouldn’t do that, I’m not JongDae.” Silence rests over them and ChanYeol enjoys the dark, he doesn’t think he would be able to sit and joke like this with Kris if he could see him. “Let’s go inside, it’s soon midnight.” Kris reaches out a hand for him to grab but ChanYeol ignores it and quietly follows Kris inside.   
  
“I hope he’ll treat you well.” is said before Kris goes off and ChanYeol is left to stand and look for the dark brown tousled hair he’s been burying his nose in every morning this week. JongIn had a few things to take care of about some job so he said he would meet ChanYeol here. So far there’s no sight of him at all and ChanYeol can feel the doubt of if he’s going to show up enter his head. Soundly the noises of the mass of people in the large apartment are almost suffocating and then they start to count down and all ChanYeol want is out, away from people and couples and happy kisses. He’s halfway to the door when there’s a hand pulling him into a lean chest, a chest that has been pressed against his back every night of the last week as he slept in for once having a small break. A cologne he knows too well because it’s his own but it smells so better on JongIn and he turns around with a smile, relief flooding in over all of his limbs.   
  
Faintly he hears the _one_ in the background but all he can focus on his JongIn right in front of him, smiling up at him and then those lips he hasn’t been able to stop kissing since the night on the square is on his, kissing him gently and lovingly. “Happy New Year. Let’s begin anew, shall we?” JongIn whispers against his lips, a smile so big it makes his eyes crinkle and ChanYeol can’t help but agree before diving in for another kiss. 

A flash goes off from their side and confused they turn their head to see KyungSoo looking at them with a blank expression. “What are you doing?” ChanYeol asks, he has never seen KyungSoo looking so unimpressed by his life before. “Photographer. Need pictures of everyone.” He mumbles and lifts the small digital camera and the flash goes off again. “Of course I would be appointed photographer at a party filled with basically only photographers.” Slightly stunned they watch him go away snapping pictures lifelessly at every single person he sees and then they’re falling over each other in laughter. ChanYeol hasn’t felt such genuine happiness for a long time and it feels great to have it back.

 

 

 

(     There’s an overturned magazine lying on the kitchen table when he gets home after having visited ByungHun and JongHyun in their new apartment. JongIn is nowhere in sight, so he must be out doing some errands. His camera is in the corner he always puts it in so he’s probably out to buy groceries. Curious ChanYeol picks the carelessly thrown magazine up from the table and turns it around. He’s on the cover alongside ten other models, KOREA’S SUPER MODELS SPECIAL is written in bold at the bottom. Suddenly ChanYeol realizes JongIn never showed him any of the pictures they took and the picture on the cover is one JongDae once took.   
  
Carefully he opens the magazine and looks at the index. He’s the last one displayed and he’s also the model with the most pages for his spread. Idly he looks through the other spreads, seeing colleagues’ daily life photographed and he can’t help but laugh a little when he looks through Kris’ spread and sees his grumpy morning face and the pictures of his nightly skincare routine, some things never changes.   
  
When he reaches the last page of the model before him, Daul Kim, he’s a bit morose. Her death had been such a sad occurrence and looking through the spread off her, reading what they had written about her made him want to cry. It nearly feels wrong that he has more pages than she has. Almost unwillingly he turns the page and what greets him makes him choke with disbelief. 

 

 

 

It’s not a replica of his first photo-shoot, just with him as an adult. He can see the original photo in the bottom left corner, but it’s not a single picture that shows ChanYeol repeating the actions of his five year old self. It’s all just close ups. There’s one of his eyes crinkling with happiness and a picture of the corner of his mouth, a picture of his hand in his pocket. There’s six close up images that recreates the feeling of happiness he shows on the original picture. They don’t form a completely picture, but rather the small details you rarely notices in a picture.   
  
The next, the Levi’s from the shitty hotel, a picture of the open fly and the small amount of hair you can see but also a picture of his hand gripping the sheet tightly, one of his mouth open tongue running over the bottom lip.   
  
When he comes to the pictures taken in Luhan’s apartment, everything aches. There’s nothing pretty about him in any of them. Eyes hard and hurt, tears running down a swelling face, body curled in on itself, a picture showing his fingers digging into his own skin as he holds around himself. Everything screams broken. 

The last page of the magazine shows a single, full body, picture and it’s nothing like any of the others.

 

It’s him in his faded Spider Man pajama bottoms and a loose black t-shirt, smiling lazily at KyungSoo outside the picture. His hair is a mess and there are bags under his eyes, he looks terrible but he also looks comfortable in his own skin and like himself. At the bottom written in cursive stands _All in all, Park ChanYeol._ Confused he looks back at the other pages and on each page in the same cursive writing at the bottom stands something, _happiness, sensuality, sadness, anger_ and all in all that _is_ what makes up Park ChanYeol.   
  
There’s a click from the door locking and ChanYeol thinks to himself, there’s only one thing missing in the spread of words, _love_. When JongIn comes over with a smile, kissing him _welcome home_ , he figures JongIn has enough time to see that through his lens as well.     )  
  



End file.
